A safety plan is a personalized, practical set of actions designed to lower the risk of harm for someone experiencing intimate partner violence. Abuse is fundamentally about power and control, and leaving is statistically the most dangerous period for a survivor. A safety plan helps you anticipate dangerous situations and react quickly without having to make high-stress decisions on the spot.
1. Safety Strategies While Living with an Abusive Partner
If leaving is not immediately possible or safe, proactive strategies can reduce acute physical risk:
- Identify “Safe” and “Dangerous” Areas in the Home: Avoid getting trapped in rooms without an outside exit, or spaces with hard surfaces and weapons (e.g., kitchens, bathrooms, garages). If an argument escalates, guide movement toward rooms with multiple exits or wide doorways.
- Establish Coded Signals: Set up a code word or emoji with trusted neighbors, family members, or older children (e.g., texting “Can you check the recipe?”). This signals them to immediately call emergency services or arrive at the house.
- Teach Children a Safe Routine: Instruct children never to intervene physically in an altercation. Teach them a safe room where they can lock themselves in, how to dial 911, and how to give the home address clearly to an operator.
- Rehearse Escape Routes: Keep walkways clear and know exactly which doors, windows, and fire escapes provide immediate ground-level exits.
2. Preparing a “Go-Bag” (Packing to Leave)
If you must leave in a hurry, having essential items stored in advance is critical. Hide this bag with a trusted friend, neighbor, workplace locker, or in an inconspicuous trunk compartment:
| Category | Items to Include |
| Vital Documents | Driver’s license/ID, birth certificates (you and children), Social Security cards, marriage/divorce papers, lease/deed, passports, immigration paperwork, custody decrees. |
| Financial Items | Emergency cash (untraceable), personal credit/debit cards in your name only, checkbook, copies of tax returns and paystubs. |
| Medical Essentials | At least 30 days of prescription medications for you and your children, health insurance cards, vaccination records. |
| Physical Keys | Spare car keys, house keys, post office box keys, safety deposit box keys. |
| Personal & Sentimental | A backup burner phone and charger, change of clothing for 3 days, comfort items or small toys for children. |
3. Immediate Steps When It Is Time to Exit
1.Choose a window when the abuser is away:Timing is everything.
Leave when the person is at work, out of town, or occupied outside the home. Never announce that you are leaving.
2.Secure your immediate transportation:Avoid digital breadcrumbs.
If using a personal vehicle, ensure it does not have active location tracking (AirTags, GPS trackers, or connected app accounts). Alternatively, have a friend or taxi pick you up a short walk away from the home.
3.Check in with an advocate immediately:Establish emergency contact.
Contact a local crisis shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788) from a safe location to confirm bed availability or secure immediate shelter.
4. Safety Planning After You Have Left
- Change Daily Routines: Alter your commute to work, grocery store locations, child drop-off times, and walking routes.
- Inform Workplaces and Schools: Provide school administrators, daycares, and workplace security with copies of any protective orders, photos of the abuser, and strict instructions on who is authorized to pick up children.
- Home Reinforcement: If remaining in a shared residence after an abuser is removed, change locks to steel deadbolts, install window sensor bars, add outdoor motion-sensor floodlights, and set up a video doorbell registered under an independent, private email account.
